The old and now me.

The other day Lieutenant and I were talking about how much I have changed since middle school and high school. In middle school I was a free spirit. I went through a lot of difficult times and it got to the point where I just stopped caring. If I haven't mentioned it before, I was involved in a near sexual assault by a classmate when I was twelve. It messed me up and though I work toward getting better every day, it is still the most difficult moment of my life to get past. I just recently found out that he still lives in Minot so I am extremely blessed that the Air Force is reviewing Lieutenant's job and hopefully not sending us there. 

In the first half of high school I didn't care about anything else other than being popular and I did whatever I could to achieve that. I hung out with the seniors and the kids who I was friends with in JROTC, I talked back to my teachers and did my best to make a scene. Once I had many friends, my dad switched me schools. I needed to get better and stop my "partying" ways. So when I changed schools and met my best friend Kat, I started changing who I was. Lieutenant and I started hanging out more, I payed attention in class and got my grades up. Life was good, and then dad made me change schools again. The life of a military family, even when you're out you are still always moving.

My third and final high school was the best experience academically for me. My grades were awesome, I wasn't partying anymore, I kept to myself instead of focusing on my friends and my final GPA was a 3.68. From a 2.1, I'd say that is a great feat. Lieutenant and I quickly fell in love and my act got together, I guess you could say.

But I see how much I have changed over the years. I went from being the girl with pink, green and purple highlights to the girl with the single toned brown hair who wears sweaters and jeans, shy and introverted...definitely not the me I used to be. I guess that its only natural to grow up and change but some days I miss the old me that wasn't afraid to talk to someone I didn't know, who danced randomly or cracked jokes whenever possible. I am, however, thankful for all the blessings I have been given and the chance to learn from my mistakes.

I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I've seen the good and bad in me. I've both stayed on the shore and tested the waters. One day I will find that medium. Where I can be submerged but not drowning..someday.