Testing my patience

Owning a labrador is a lot of work. And by a lot I mean hair pulling, door slamming, command spewing work. Lexi is in all respects, Marley. She barks constantly, sticks her head in the trash, pulls on the leash wherever we go and just last week she ate one of my favorite earrings. I am at my wits end with her and have tried absolutely everything from obedience school to leaving her with a trainer for an entire week. I'm tired of having to say "No Bark!" all day long and when she doesn't listen I have to put her in time out which doesn't do anything. I'm ready to pull my hair out. It is just too difficult trying to raise a 1 year old feisty labrador while pregnant and ALONE.

There are days when I beg Lieutenant to come home because I'm in tears from having to do everything on my own. I honestly don't know how I will ever survive a deployment with her and a baby. Living on the third floor of an apartment building makes things even worse. She doesn't have a yard and I have to walk up and down three flights every two hours to let her use the bathroom. With Lieutenant here, the responsibilities are shared. Sometimes I feel like giving up on her.

But then I remember that these days of teenage-hood will pass, and that one day when she's too old to fight me, she will learn to cuddle. I remember that she is loyal to us and loves us so much that she is a constant protector.

I will remember her as a baby:

And a teenager:

when she is old and tired and give thanks to her for testing my patience, giving me the practice of being a mommy to love no matter what.

Therapy in writing.

I'm a terrible blogger. Sorry...sometimes I forget that this even exists. This week has really been a whirlwind. After my week vacation, coming home and having to reintegrate my life became too much to handle. I was trying to take care of myself, the dog, the apartment...all while feeling helpless. With Lieutenant gone I realize just how difficult things are and just how amazing it is to have a team mate. He is truly my rock and when he's here, everything seems so simple and perfect.

Today was a very difficult day because Hurricane Isaac made landfall in the area where he is training. There were at least five tornado warnings, heavy winds and rain and a lot of surge flooding from the ocean. I tried to keep it together because I know how stress is bad for the baby. He was able to communicate with me throughout the day which helped put my mind at ease but I was still worried.

Another struggle I am having is not being around my family. Not only did I miss the birth of my niece one year ago, but I also missed my nephew's birth this week and will miss another nieces birth in two months. It hurts me that I can't be there but we simply can't afford it. I'm also sad because I know that nobody in my family will save to come down here to see our baby. While I realize everyone is struggling with money right now, we can't be expected to come up with $500-$1000 to fly home, especially with a newborn. That is something that I think my family knows but doesn't understand.

At this point I have kicked up my feet and am pouting - but we knew this day would come. We knew what Lieutenant joining the military meant but man, is it a hard pill to swallow. We have to give up a lot but we are taken care of and are so grateful to be a military family. I am grateful for my husband's willingness to devote his life to his country and despite all the hardships we will go through in life, I will never regret the decision he chose to make, and the decision we chose to make together when we said "I do."

I really should blog more, this post was so therapeutic for me.

Pregnancy Survey Week 12

Oops! I missed a week, but for good reason! I was on a Babymoon with Lieutenant. We spent one fabulous week together on the beach! I definitely needed the vacation from work, the dog and the apartment. Besides, I missed my husband so incredibly much and it is true what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder.

How far along? 12 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss:  I honestly have no idea...my home scale is wrong.

Maternity clothes? Bought some maternity shirts but still cant find maternity pants that I like.

Stretch marks? Nothing new but I missed an entire week of using my Bio-Oil so I have to get back in the habit.

Sleep: Still tossing and turning.

Best moment this week: Being with Lieutenant and having him rub my belly.

Movement: Nothing yet but at times I get a strange feeling.

Food cravings: Pasta! I really want the Fancy Spaghetti from Houlihan's but I don't want to go alone.

Gender: I'm still thinking it will be a boy.

Labor Signs: Nothing at all

Belly Button in or out? Innie

Wedding rings on or off? Still on!

What I miss: Sushi :(

What I am looking forward to: My 13 week appointment

Weekly Wisdom: RUN to the bathroom. RUN.

Milestones: Feeling more like a mommy!

Pregnancy Survey: Week 10

How far along? 10 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 1 ish, but its fluctuating.

Maternity clothes? I eyed some maternity jeans today...still wearing sweats though.

Stretch marks? Nothing new to report

Sleep: I've been tossing and turning lately.

Best moment this week: Learning how big Jelly Bean was getting.

Movement: Nothing yet!

Food cravings: Bavarian cream donut, and it was delicious. Back to healthy eating!

Gender: All bets are for boy.

Labor Signs: Heck no still!

Belly Button in or out? Innie

Wedding rings on or off? Still on and still loose

What I miss: I desperately miss Subway this week.

What I am looking forward to: Our Babymoon!

Weekly Wisdom: Don't stress about things you can't control.

Milestones: 10 weeks is a milestone :)

10 weeks today!

Jelly Bean is continuing to grow :) It makes me a little nervous having to wait so long between appointments but I'm excited to fly out to see Lieutenant for our vacation. Each day that passes I love this baby a little more. I don't feel it yet but I can't wait for the day that I can.

I've been dwelling on the fact that Lieutenant's mom isn't happy about us having a child. I know that it came as a surprise a few years early but this is her first and only grandchild. My parents are going to have ELEVEN and they are so excited for us. Lieutenant agrees with me that it is sad but he says that we can't dwell on the things that we can't change. We are happy that we are having a baby and ultimately that is all that matters.

I will only be visiting Lieutenant for a week and then coming home, awaiting his return. He still has a few months of training but I am confident that by the time he comes home we will know the gender of the baby! We both think its a boy but would be happy either way as long as our Jelly Bean is healthy.

I am off to get some strawberries from the store but will post the 10 week survey soon!

Pregnancy Survey: Week 9

How far along? 9 weeks 5 days

Total weight gain/loss: Still 0, thank god. After losing 20 pounds and gaining 10 back to being lazy, and then getting pregnant, not looking to gain until the second trimester.

Maternity clothes? A few shirts, though I really need maternity pants because all my pants are extremely uncomfortable. I can still fit in them perfectly but they are just annoying me lately...I've been wearing leggings to work..whoops.

Stretch marks? I have some but I already had them since I was young. No new ones yet, thank you Bio Oil!

Sleep: I wake up pretty frequently, sometimes at 1am, 4am and 7am but never all three in one night. I am always tired though.

Best moment this week: Seeing Jelly Bean for the first time and its little heartbeat.

Movement: To early in the game for that!

Food cravings: At first it was orange juice and now nothing really...I eat a LOT of apples though.

Gender: We won't know for a while, but we believe it is going to be a boy.

Labor Signs: Heck no!

Belly Button in or out? Innie

Wedding rings on or off? Still on and luckily mine was a little big to begin with so it should last a while.

What I miss: Subway sandwiches, coffee and Diet Coke.

What I am looking forward to: Flying out to Lieutenant and celebrating our "Babymoon"

Weekly Wisdom: Listen to your girlfriends and your sisters. I've learned quite a bit so far!

Milestones: First ultrasound done!

Baby on board!

What a crazy couple of weeks it has been so far. I found out I was pregnant on July 23rd at 6pm but I couldn't believe it. The morning of July 24th I took a second home pregnancy test and it was again, positive. So I drove down to the clinic and took one final test: Positive. I was going to be a mom.

I sat in the parking lot of the clinic and called Lieutenant, my parents and all of my siblings. They were all in shock, I was too! But the real shocker came just yesterday as I went to my first OB appointment. The verdict? I am 9 weeks and 5 days pregnant right now. NINE WEEKS. My body has always been irregular so I did not even think that I could get pregnant.

When I saw the heart beating I instantly became a mother. I wished that Lieutenant could be there with me in that moment. We created another life, a blessing. Since he is out of state for training, I sent him a photo of the ultrasound:

He was in shock, but a proud daddy nonetheless. He even nicknamed the baby "Jelly Bean" until I told him that Jelly Bean is in fact a Grape right now, and almost a Prune. Prune isn't a very nice nickname though!

We understand that it is not going to be easy raising a child, especially with us both being in school and working but we also feel extremely blessed. We understand that everything happens for a reason and that we were given this baby on purpose.

I can't wait to see how Jelly Bean progresses and I can't wait to be a mommy.

Surprise!

This post has been in queue since July 24th, 2012: The day I found out that I am PREGNANT! I did not want to post it and have the information get out before I could see a doctor and get out of what people refer to as the early notification curse. Of course I told my family and Lieutenant told his but nobody else knows.

At the time of this post, I do not know how far along I am due to how irregular my cycle is but I do know that even though we are scared, elated, concerned, overjoyed, we are going to absolutely love this baby.

This blog has been on a hiatus for a while because I felt like I didn't have anything to say but now it seems as though I have SO much to say!

At the time of this post, Lieutenant is away at tech school (yes, I had to tell him over the phone :[ ) and we are still in Texas. I am still in college and Lexi, our crazy labrador, is now one year old. I PROMISE to update again soon. :)